From Passion to Profit: Heart Centered Strategies for FitPros

017 Empowering Mindset: Navigating Negative Self-Talk with Coach Eileen McCotter Davis

• Nichola Page / Eileen McCotter Davis • Season 1 • Episode 17

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In this empowering episode, join host Nichola Page in a thought-provoking conversation with mindset coach Eileen McCotter Davis. Together, they delve into the intricacies of negative self-talk, that little voice inside our heads that often hinders our journey to self-discovery and growth.

Discover practical strategies to navigate and transform negative self-talk into a catalyst for positive change. Eileen shares invaluable insights, guiding you through the process of understanding and working with your inner dialogue.

Tune in as they explore the purpose of negative self-talk, uncover practical steps to address it, and emphasize the significance of continuous mindset work for personal and professional development.

🚀 Ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment? Press play and let the transformation begin!

Key Takeaways

  • Negative self-talk is the little voice inside our heads that holds us back from reaching our full potential.
  • We can't stop negative self-talk, but we can work with it by understanding its concerns and finding ways to address them.
  • Practical steps to work with negative self-talk include changing our language, creating space for introspection, and engaging in a dialogue with our inner voices.
  • Continuous mindset work is crucial for personal and professional growth.

Eileen McCotter Davis Resources:
Website: https://www.coachingwitheileen.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachingwitheileen/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachingwitheileen/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/eileen-mccotter-davies-604b04a/

Resource Links:


Nichola Page:

Today, I've got a phenomenal guest lined up for you today. And I really want you to get ready for some light bulbs to be going off in your head. But before I introduce you to my guests, let me ask you a quick question. Do we Do you ever catch yourself thinking that I'm not good enough, or I can't do this, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to do this. Or I'm never going to be as good as whoever it is that you're comparing yourself to? Well, if you do, if you ask or you say those kinds of things to yourself in any way, shape, or form, that's negative self talk. That's the little voice inside your head that holds you back from reaching your full potential. It slows you down where you really want to achieve. And that's what today's session is all about. The big question is, how do you stop here and that's where my guest comes in. So let me introduce you to the amazing Eileen McCotter Davis. Eileen is an exceptional mindset coach. And I can say that, because I've had the pleasure of working with her Personally, myself on numerous occasions, she is a ninja when it comes to all this mindset stuff. She's also a trainer and trains other people become mindset coaches. So she absolutely knows her stuff. And she specialises in helping entrepreneurs to get the results that they want. So welcome, Eileen, thank you for being here. I appreciate you giving up your time. Before I get you, thank you, before you kind of dive into sharing your your wisdom on what negative self talk is, and how can we stop it from holding us back? Would you mind just sharing a bit about your background? And kind of what led you to this point for us becoming a mindset coach? Because I know that's not where you started out?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah, yeah. So I started out many moons ago working with young offenders. And then I went from there into personal training. And I went from personal training into nutrition into psychology, and seeing that people struggle to change who really wanted to change. So that was happening in my professional life. And in my personal life, I was struggling with the relationship that I knew I wanted to change, but thought I didn't know how to change and I had a lot of I didn't know, there were voices in my head back then I didn't know what self taught was or self sabotage was. But that's when I had this voice in my head that, you know, just stay where you are, you know, you're just gonna have to make this work, except what you've got Eileen, you might not find anyone new, or that sort of those inner voices. And that's when I kind of flew over to America did a coaching course on energy and meridians and things in the body, and learn about the inner critic, that inner self talk that gets in your own way. And then I just started sharing this with all my personal training clients, and then got a lot of one to one client started taking people from the gym, out for walks, walking around parks, just knowing that people need to offload What's all that in their head, we have so much noise in the head. And we're often not sharing it, especially with our loved ones. Because our loved ones kind of care for us. So they don't really often want to hear it or with friends and family. And then as I started to help people with the inner critic in that self talk, and then went into coaching full time, and then coaching entrepreneurs, and how can we work with the voices, and still grow and evolve and give a great service to our own clients with self talk going on in the background?

Nichola Page:

That's where I am. And we all we all we all have it right? So it's not like we've got these weird when we say voices in the head. Some people might be thinking what the hell we all have that other narrative that goes on that questions. Questions, you don't mean? So it's, it's in it's in all of us. What is it what you know, what is it about? Why Why does this happen? What is really going on when we refer to what you say self critique, or that negative self talk? What is it? What is it really going on?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Well, you know, if you look at the brain, and you know, I call it the ego, people call it the mind. People call it the brain, whatever you want to call a thing on top of your shoulders, your head. The brain is about keeping you safe. It doesn't care if you're happy or sad is we are wired for survival. And the brain works on a series of patterns. So the brain actually wants you to stay safe. And the brains job is To protect you. So what I mean by that the brain doesn't want you to feel hurt again, it doesn't want you to feel judged, it doesn't want you to feel like you're going to let other people down. It doesn't want you to it wants you to belong to what you know. So that's why some people come to me, they go on, and I feel like I'm doing really, really well. And I know I can do better, but I know I'm holding myself back. And that's when part of the brain is some people hear a voice. Or some people feel it, they just feel they can't move forward, like something is taking their motivation. Even though they're really positive. They just feel they can't get their motivation up. Or they feel like they're stuck. So often people go out of stock, or I'm just not passionate anymore, but they are. So that makes sense. So it's part of the brain that makes too much sense how light how I see it, you're driving down the road, you want to go a little bit faster, you want to go on a country lane you've not been on before, you want to experience something new or in a different way. And the handbrake is getting jammed. So you're driving, but you're not having a good experience. To me. That's what self talk is. And we do have positive self talk. That's the part of the brain also trying to protect you in a positive way. That then we have the negative self talk that can limit our actions, our choices and our behaviours.

Nichola Page:

Yeah, brilliant. I love that analogy. Driving with your handbrake partly on. Yeah, brilliant. So we know. So that makes it clear in terms of what it is if we've got negative and positive self talk. But can we excel? Can we if we look at the side that is holding us back? It's trying to keep us safe? Can we can we ever do anything about that? Can we stop that from happening? How do we embrace it? How do we use it to our advantage? Lots of questions for you there.

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah. My experience. For me personally, I've been coaching people for over 20 years in all different ways. You cannot stop self talk. And I did used to do other types of, you know, coaching modalities, we can go turn the voice down, you know, imagine it so radio, turn the voice down, that can work for some people that personally didn't work for me, and personally doesn't work for my clients. So can you stop the voice? No. Can you work with the voice? Yes. So if you think about it, your brain is trying to help you it's going I do not want you to feel hurt. I do not want you to feel disappointment, rejection. I don't want you to feel judged. So the south talk, you know, when I was going, Okay, I'm going to do a workshop and I've been doing one to one coaching, I feel I'm really good at it. I enjoy it. My clients love it. I'm going to do a workshop, the brain goes, That's new. The brain goes, Ah, a few people, people might come people might not come people might not like it you might not be good at you've not done it before. And really all the brain is doing go back to what you know. So you can work with it. Yes. And most people try and turn down the voice might work for some. But for me, this is what most people do with their voices. They argue with the voices. And they try and go Well, I'm going to do it anyway. They believe the voices. So often people have voices like this is common voices that I hear. Who are you to do this. You failed last time you're gonna fail again. What if people don't like it? What if too many people turn up on I can't deal with it? Who are you to do this, don't be too big for your boots. Good things don't happen for us. So these are like those kind of negative voices that are just trying to keep you stuck with what you know. They don't want you to experience anything new. So then people either believe those voices, they fight with those voices. For me, it's how you can work with those voices. And most people, one part of the brain is becoming dominant, trying to pop pull up the handbrake to stop you from experiencing something new. And you want to help that other part of the brain to work with that voice. So the two parts work together. And that's ultimately what I do is a coach

Nichola Page:

to Eric, can you give us a bit of an insight as to like what that might look like sound like if you were those two parts of your brain were working together. Or maybe give us an example without naming any names. So, how you have helped someone in that respect?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah, so what you could do is like, uh, you know, if I'm coaching you, is very easy, because I can just do it in, you know, 2030 minutes. But if you're on your own and listening into this, you could just get a piece of paper and write down. What is the next step that you want to do? Or what is it you would like to create for yourself? So you might go, Well, I want to create, I don't know, an Instagram social media page yet. And you go, Okay, what I want, then you can go on the next column, what does the voice say to that? And the, and then listen to what the voices might say. So the voice might say, you don't know what you're doing. Or people might not like your content, or they might challenge you or your family and friends might see what you're doing and think you're weird. So then you can pick one of those voices, and then be curious about the voice. And then go okay, what is the voice one? And why would you guess the voice wants me not to do this. And then once you become curious about the voice, you can often the voice is not trying to make you feel bad. It's not trying to suppress you. It's actually concerned for your well being most of the time. And then you can turn to the voice and talk back to the voice is if it's your best friend. So you know, that's quite a Yeah.

Nichola Page:

So go on Tara. Carry on. Sorry, Nicola.

Eileen McCotter Davis:

I want to do a social media like you know me well, Nicola, Nicola, I want to do a social and Instagram page. From a new business. It's a business I've not done before. I want to do one. I've put it in my diary. 25,000 times, I've got all the time to do it. However, I'm not doing it. Like, I know, Nicola. I'm not doing and I should be doing it. And I feel stupid now. And I said to Nicola, you know, you know, what should I do about this Instagram page? I shouldn't do it. What would you say to me as my best friend? Well, I

Nichola Page:

would say, I would ask you, what's, what's the worst that could happen? If you did do it? And what's, you know, what's the best that could happen? If you did do it? And also, what, you know, what is it that's stopping you? What are you afraid of?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah, good. Now, that's you. That's what our best friend would say to you. That's how we want to talk to the voices. We want to say, Hey, okay, you don't want me to do this Instagram page again, it? What is it you think could happen? And then you can come up with solutions together, just like you were talking to a friend, because a good friend would say, Listen, I get you're scared. But what would help you to overcome that? Like, I have a voice every time I go into self growth or doing something new, this voice comes in? Who do you think you are? Don't be too big for your boots. And that's a loyal voice trying to pull me back into my family's past off make do with what you've got. Be grateful for a little, you know, you don't need to have more. But there's this wild part in me that goes, but I want to see what's possible. I want to see can I do that? Not for eat, not for arrogance, but because I want to live and say, Can I do that other people are why can I do it? That makes sense. And then and then the next set? So it's kind of, we have to step one, we have to get clear what the voice is saying. Step two, we have to quit believing the voice. Yeah, step three, stop fighting with the voice. And then step four, be curious where the voice is coming from. The voice is a bit like in my head like a caring auntie, that doesn't want you to get hurt. So you're carrying on tea, and you go, Okay, I might get hurt. Doing a social media Facebook Live because people might not like it. However, how can we work together? So we feel okay, regardless, what happens when we put the video out?

Nichola Page:

Yeah, and I guess, I mean, all that, obviously, because I've worked with you I do understand that I'm trying to put myself back in that those shoes when the first time I ever heard you talk about this in this way. And it was actually a bit of a revelation to know that. You don't have to basically stop on He went with it. Because I think that's what I was I was very much like that. Well, who do you think you are? You can't do this, you're not good at that person, but I want to do it. But I'm gonna do it. So there was this internal fight. And it's like, who could shout the loudest? And it will very much depend upon the day, what was going on as to which one of those one? Yeah, I was either gonna listen, or I was gonna fight it and do it anyway. But when you go, Okay, you understand why it's happening. And then when I talk to myself a lot anyway, but I'm not averse to having a conversation in my own head. But just being able to do that and say, Okay, I see, I hear you. I see why you're doing this. Let's find an easier way to work with it. But I think it takes a lot of practice to be able to do that, doesn't it? This is not something that you just listened to this episode. And God Okay, right. That makes sense. I've got it now. And then. And often you can't do this on your own.

Eileen McCotter Davis:

I know I absolutely. Yeah. And I think you know, Whenever someone's got a junction in their life, when they're going from doing something that is familiar to them to something that is unfamiliar, that's when they need the help with self talk. So, you know, you know, children haven't gone off to university. You know, we know my stepdaughter was going through that when he went to university, and she built up all this pressure in your mind of what it was going to be like. And it's because she was going from familiar to unfamiliar, saying, when people come to you, you know, Nicola, they're going from doing what they know. And then they've got to learn something else. So if the voice if you talk to the voice and said, Listen, we can argue, we can fight, or I can believe you. But what if we could understand one another? And what if we could work together? And then often the voice, then the voice I see is like a needy part of us that doesn't also want to be left behind. So you kind of turn into that part of you and go to know or could you help me then? If we do get judged? If the videos rubbish, or the new project doesn't work? Could you help me so we're together. And in coaching terms, that's called ego integration. But for most of us, we have that like use in a turmoil when one part of us is fighting with another part of us. And that's when our language for me is very important. We've got to stop saying, You can't do this. Yes, I can. You can't do this, yes, I can go in that, you know, part of me would like to set up an Instagram page to experience something new. And another part of me is scared about that. But this is what we can do together. Is kind of art. And this does take practice, where in your brain, you kind of create a team, the challenge that you know why I found you, Nick, and you found me with entrepreneurs, we work on our own a lot. But if you look at grey, this is they have a team. We need reassurance, we need encouragement, we need acknowledgement. And that's when we want that kind of internal team in our own mind. And that does take practice.

Nichola Page:

Yeah, and I think, well, working on working on your mindset is not something that you just do once No. is a continuous? Yeah, if only it was right. Well, you'd be out of a job, that's for sure. So but it's not, and it's even if you might go like I've been through phases where I've gone for a while and where I've worked on my mindset seems to be okay, but then something you get to a new level. And as the saying goes, a new level new devil and all of the rest of it when and they need different things coming all in might be the same message that comes back in again. Be you Yeah, it's a continuous thing. And I I am a huge advocate, as obviously you are continuously working on your mindset. Yeah, it's like you don't just go to the gym once work out and do one workout and that's it. You're fixed. No mindset, particularly when you run your own business. I know it's a case for everything, but I'm talking to you now when you're listening to this because you're running your own business. Working on your mindset is crucial. You can you can now your marketing you could be great at selling But your mindset is the thing that I believe is the bit is the difference that makes all the difference? Yes, I'm sure you agree, but what's your what's your take on that about? consistently working on it? Do you consistently work on your mindset?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah, 100%. And, you know, for me, I'm I continue to work on my mindset, because I enjoy human behaviours, and I really enjoy my own. So I'm forever, you know, and it's not just reading, it's talking, it's sharing, going to workshops, you know, I still connect to a coach for my own development. But I think for me, what I've really grown into that mindset helps you to get back into your heart set. And when we work on our mindset, we then can connect to our heart, and many people that are entrepreneurs, they want to make a difference to the lives of other people. And the thing that stops them is their own head. So the more we work on our mindset, and we are honest, and go to you know what, I've been trying to do it alone, it's not working. A wonder if I could get some help on this. But then the mind kicks back in, I haven't got the money, or I haven't got the time, or I should do this on my own, or what will people think of me, but for me, mindset, you know, just to do a workshop at the weekend, entrepreneurs turned up, they're in their head. And then by the end of the weekend, they're all back in their heart again. And what I mean by being in your heart, what if we are here to enjoy life, and to experience the experiences we wish to experience. And for you, it's during this podcast, it's not about you have 1000s of leads and millions of pounds. It's about you want to experience a podcast and and you go to bed at night and go, Oh, my God, look at me. You know, I've done that. And that was an experience I enjoyed or that was an experience, actually, I didn't really enjoy. And that gets us back into our heart. And then we live life according to our own values, which is making a difference. And for me, you can make a difference to other people's lives and your own life as well. So the more my mindset, the more I'm in here, and rather than I. And then I'm more curious, more playful, more willing to take more risks. Step out of ground. Yeah.

Nichola Page:

But then it is so true. So I mean, I think if you if you were to, as we kind of come to the end of this episode, if we could just give me summarise, if somebody's listening to this, and they want to kind of really start to work on their mindset. First and foremost, I would urge you to connect with Eileen, because I really don't think that you can do this on your own, you will, you will get quicker and better results by working with someone whether it's Eileen or somebody else. But I will urge you to connect with Eileen, but from you, Eileen, if you just come some leaving parting words of people about in terms of right now today? What could they start to do to start to work on that self talk to kind of start moving themselves forward in their business? If they are currently feeling stuck or unsure of what to do next? What would you say your parting words of wisdom be?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah, great question. Firstly, to change their language. And rather than go, Who are you to do this? I can't do this. What if you do this? Break it down to make it smaller in the brain? To part of me, part of me is worrying Can I do this part of me is questioning myself. So you shrink that down. That's the first thing. The second thing is to get away from your desk and your computer and go for a walk or go into a coffee shop with a pen and a paper and write down okay. What is the voice saying to me? And where is that voice coming from? Have I heard that voice before? And what does that voice really want from me? And how can we work together? And that in itself is a is a great starting point. Because we often get insights for me everyone has their own answers within. I do not as a coach give people answers. I just give people this space. So create some sense Get away from the noise, step out of the pressure that part of us putting yourself under, and the little aha moments or the intuitive insights and answers come to you always. So create some space yourself.

Nichola Page:

Yeah, love it. Well, thank you, thank you for your time, I really appreciate your time, I can listen to you all day, I could have these types of conversations all day, every day. And I would 100% I'd love you to come back. So we can talk some more about these sorts of topics, because this is just the tip of the iceberg, with what it's what it's all about. But as we've hopefully if you're listening to this, still listening to this, you will appreciate just how important it is to give yourself that time to work on your on your mindset. So thank you for being here. Thank you for listening in to this episode, I feel really confident that you, if you've listened to it, and you've got to this far, you have, I'm going to hazard a guess that all sorts of light bulbs have been going off in your mind. And if you do want more access to what Eileen, then you're going to find all of her links in the show notes, I believe. Is there a link to did you say there's a link to a webinar that they can get access to? Is that right?

Eileen McCotter Davis:

Yeah, I've done a self taught webinar that people can have complimentary because again, I just want to help others. So yeah, they can just jump on that link and download that straightaway. And

Nichola Page:

yeah, so at the very least you want to do that. So go to the shownotes find those links connect with Eileen, if you're if you're curious to do more work on yourself so that you can be you know, you can help more people in a bigger way then do reach out to whinin and and have a chat with her. But that's us done. So thank you again, Eileen, thank you for your time. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. And thank you for listening. If you have enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to share it subscribe and leave us a review. I'd love to know what you took from this particular episode. But that's it from us. See you on the next episode. Bye for now